Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY. Photo by Ad Meskens / Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 3.0. Authorities are reviewing a strange series of five deaths in Prospect Park after investigators found that each case appears to involve mini sausages, a detail not typically associated with a peaceful afternoon in the park.
The review comes on the heels of a world-renowned Bavarian sausage company being slapped with a class-action lawsuit over meat-related illnesses. Officials declined to name the company, citing what one court observer called “the dramatic integrity of the reveal,” but said additional information about the class-action case can be obtained by contacting the Kings County Supreme Court.
The deaths occurred at different times of day and in different parts of the park, complicating what officials described as “an already deeply annoying investigation.” One body was found in a walking tunnel, two were found near the exercise equipment, one was discovered under a large oak tree, and another was found near the entrance.
“At first, each case looked like a possible overdose,” said deputy investigator Carl Whitmore. “Then the stomach analysis came back, and it was mostly the sort of reconstituted meat product you see at office parties, bar mitzvahs, and emotionally complicated Super Bowl spreads.”
The two victims found near the exercise equipment were known locally as the meat maxers, a group of fitness enthusiasts who spent most mornings trying to hit their macros while explaining the difference between protein and “clean protein” to strangers.
“They were always eating something from a zip-top bag,” said park regular Denise Maloney. “I assumed it was meal prep. I never thought it would become evidence.”
Forensics teams also recovered a fedora hat near one of the bodies, though officials said they do not currently believe it is connected to the deaths.
“It’s New York,” Whitmore said. “Finding a fedora near a bad decision does not automatically make it suspicious.”
Investigators have not identified any suspects and have not determined how the mini sausages were introduced, though they cautioned residents against accepting tiny sausages from anyone described as “carrying an unusual amount of toothpicks.”
The Parks Department said the affected areas remain open while officials continue to examine vendor records, picnic permits, and one handwritten flyer advertising “meat gains for the community.”
